Devastated
Josh hurt my feelings so fucking bad yesterday that I'm not rightly sure I can recover. He said shit about me to someone else that was just plain fucking hurtful. Right after I had just got through telling him how even J-1 had stood up for me in the face of ridicule. But what does Josh fucking do directly after that? His lameass partymates hate me, so he says "Oh yeah, just let me get rid of this asshole", in reference to me.
I smeared it in his face, but I don't feel any better for it. He left the party and carried me to Daleville (after we rode for about an hour as he tried to work himself out of that conundrum), where I camped out on poor ol' Craig's front porch from about 12am to 4am when he opened the door.

I am hurt beyond words, even still, in spite of how he may have tried to make that up to me. I am questioning everything now. Sure, he apologized, something I've never heard him do, and tried to coax me out of my catatonia--but how can I even be sure of the sincerity of any of that? Fact is, I can't.

And thusly, I hate myself. I really, truly, deeply hate myself.